A Tough and Emotional Week…

It’s the Friday afternoon, of a very tiring and emotional week. My last post stated ‘but it will get better’… The toughness and emotion have been present all week, neither better nor worse, the outcome of the week, I think all though a hard one for me to accept initially, is probably the right outcome… So I think things will get better!

Last week I self-certified a few days off sick because my joints just wouldn’t let me keep going. Back to work on Monday… a difficult decision in some ways as my very supportive boss said as I left mid-morning on Wednesday, ‘take all the time you need and make sure your right before you come back, don’t rush back’. I appreciate the sentiment, but when every morning you wake up and feel rubbish, work or no work, how do you tell which morning is the right morning to go back? However, Monday came around, and I felt I should try a new week.

Tuesday morning I had a Women’s Health physiotherapy appointment that I had arranged whilst off, she was supportive, but as I know too, there is little she can really do. She can’t cure my RA, but she did offer hydrotherapy and acupuncture, which I have accepted. I’m happy to try anything that might help ease the pain or stiffness. I have been doing my own hydro of a fashion when going swimming, but it’s also nice to get other therapists ideas on exercises/rehab.

Wednesday was a day off (using my annual leave to break up the weeks), which worked well as I was exhausted after Monday and Tuesday, and hydro is on a Wednesday at 13.30 which would have been really awkward if I had been at work.
Hydro was lovely, very gentle, and a lot less than I would do on my visits to the pool (but at the cost of £3.80 per swim I’m afraid I feel I have to get my money’s worth!!), but it was great in the warm water to take my joints through their full range of motion with very little pain. Plus as there were ladies there with pelvic girdle pain there were core exercises as well which you can never do too many of!! Now granted… getting out the pool did suddenly make my body feel twice as heavy, but it had worked wonders on the lovely water retention that has come to fruition over the last week (Just to add a little extra size to my already fat feet…!! To think I once wanted to be a foot model!).
The physio is going to add acupuncture to my treatment plan for next week as she didn’t want to overdo it in the first session. So that will be interesting, having never had acupuncture as a treatment!!

Thursday, back at work, feeling some benefit from having the Wednesday off, but still, as every morning is proving to be, a difficult and tired start to the day.
For the last week I have been sleeping in the spare bed, it has a memory foam mattress, and space! Which in this beautiful English summer weather, is worth its weight in gold!! Because by ‘eck this little baby is making me warm!! Plus the fact that I am trying my best to sleep on my side, which is very uncomfortable for my shoulders and hips no matter how many hot sweaty pillows I use in all manner of places to prop myself up! So every night without fail, I will wake up several times to sit up and turn onto the other side (rolling is impossible at the moment). This swap of beds has made for better night’s sleep for both of us… but it is weird. We don’t quite feel in the right age range to be having separate bedrooms just yet… so hopefully this won’t be a permanent thing!!
Anyway, back to work… I had a very minimal case load in comparison to my heavily burdened colleagues, which is due to their lovely support, but it does make me feel pretty useless and quite guilty. Although I do understand that if I wasn’t there at all those patients would be added to an ever growing list of patients for my long suffering colleagues to deal with. So I’m not totally useless… By the by, I got through the day. Exhausted, wiped out, fog brained, done in. The drive home was weary, and I was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open.
At home, I vegetated on the settee, despite the most beautiful summer evening (we bought out first set of garden furniture this spring – I was so excited – but I have barely used it as every evening all I want to do is go to bed!! Last year we had had barbeques coming out of our ears, using dog crates and camping chairs as furniture!!). I had a weep and a chat with Andrew about how I was feeling, and at 8.30pm we went outside to watch the dogs in the garden… that cheered me up.

This morning arrived, and I knew I had my 25 week midwife appointment. So after I had eaten my breakfast I wrote down the main things that were making my life hard (picture below). I felt I had to do this, as I knew I’d either forget (fog brain/baby brain… it’s a wonder I know how to spell!), or I’d be too upset to get the words out. For me at the moment, the worst feeling is that I don’t have the mental strength to keep going in to work and focusing. The physical side is hard, but as anyone who has RA or any other chronic pain problem will say, the pain is a given so you just keep going, working through it. But once the mental toughness has slipped, the pain becomes too much to manage.
The mid wife was lovely (I’ve not seen the same one twice yet and some have been better than others!), and very supportive, (yes I did get teary and upset). Everything baby wise is going swimmingly. But she immediately made me an appointment with the GP so I could discuss taking some time off. The GP (a very well dressed, highly made up, hard faced, slim woman) was less supportive and comforting. Very matter of fact and (I felt) suspicious. But after some rather hard questioning she signed me off for 2 weeks, and prescribed me some ibuprofen gel (10%).
I felt emotionally drained. So after letting work know, and again getting a lovely response from my boss who has been nothing but supportive the whole time I’ve been pregnant, I went home and slept!
So let’s see how the next fortnight goes… I worry I’ll have the same dilemma as I did this Monday. Every morning is tough, how will I know if I have enough strength in me mentally as well as physically to go back to work, and how will work feel if I keep popping back for one or two weeks here and there?
I’m not 100% sure about using the gel… especially not if I’m off work. I prefer to manage my pain in other ways if I can. Any thoughts on using Ibuprofen gel during pregnancy?

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tooyoungforarthritis
    Jul 25, 2014 @ 21:50:24

    My manager took me to one side today and told me not to think about work and how my illness could impact my colleagues if I am not there. He said I needed to focus on myself otherwise I am no use to anyone. Just thought I would share that with you, it’s not often my manager makes sense 🙂 you need to focus on yours and your bumps health. Your body is crying for a break by the sounds of it.
    When you have the acupuncture could you blog about it? I’ve been intrigued by it and wonder if it can help us. 🙂

    Reply

    • minximina
      Jul 25, 2014 @ 21:52:43

      I will do, gonna see what I can find regards research on it too. I’ll keep you posted! (Sometimes managers do make sense hey?!)

      Reply

  2. Trackback: Acupuncture… Wish I’d had my tutor as a clinician! | Always Look on the Bright Side of RA

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